Fighting to fit in

I have had this issue forever, I have always bent myself a little too much to fit in. Wherever I have been, a small group, a big crowd, a new place, I have always wanted to be able to fit in without having to stand out as the odd one. Doing that in your 30s can be quite something, especially when you are beginning to realize there are no pre-made gloves that you can easily slip into, the only way out is a custom made one.

I often find myself hiding behind friendly smiles when I am in such a situation. I just want to shout out and tell everybody what I really think, but what stops me is the feeling that I might hurt them. I just like to be the amicable person at that point, but it bugs me when I mull over it at later. And on days when I have awoken with the rare determination to do and say as I please, I would have crossed the line and hurt somebody.

So this year I am in search of that delicate path upon which to tread, to be who I am and still not come across as indifferent and rude. It is just the beginning of the quest but hope to get there. As a first step, I think I have an understanding of what it takes and am working on that.

Being confident in your skin. It is especially hard, if you are not the one to follow norms. There is nobody ahead of you whose path you can follow blindly. People question your every move and go “Really”! As my little one listens to The three little pigs in the background, what is required here is building your confidence inside a house of bricks, so that the big bad wolf can’t blow it away. J

Knowing you cannot please everybody at all times. There is nothing more tiring than this. And this one is the one I find myself in most of the time, trying to please everybody.

It is ok if ok if somebody is miffed with you. If they care enough things will be back to what it was. This one is the hard one, I don’t like this feeling at all. But if I master the first two, I will face this one better for sure.

Essentially this year I am going to quit fighting with my inner self to fit into any given situation. It is not going to be a smooth ride, but any time I want to feel lighter I have a ready stress buster. More about that in tomorrow’s post! J