September 7, 2012

My little big girl

Dearest A,

My little big girl!!!  How do I begin telling you all that I feel when I look at you now! When did you grow up so fast!  The feeling is simply bittersweet, and in the true sense of the word.  There is as much bitterness to it as there is sweetness.

On one hand I am angry with time for having gone by so fast.  I just feel you were a preschooler yesterday completely in love with your pretend world, looking behind your shoulder every now and then to make sure I am right there.  I still remember how you would speak sentences perfectly very early on and a random word would still remind us of your cute toddler talk. I especially waited eagerly to hear to see if you still said ‘life’ for knife.  And then suddenly overnight you stood there tall with those newly acquired knowledge in your eyes, much like an overgrown sapling after the monsoons.  It was the reading wasn’t it? That was what changed you from the preschooler to the big kid. It is not so much about being able to sound the letters or say the words or read a book. It was more about one of the biggest doors to the world being opened. You felt free and independent; your little eyes could read what they wanted.  I no longer could skip words that I did not want you pondering about from books; I could not hide billboards that gave too much information for that little mind; I could no longer keep you in that protected world I had created for you. And then big kid school happened, and you got to skip kindergarten and again because you could read so well! It was quite something for this Mimi of yours to see you transform from the preschooler to the first grader. It is one big bundle of emotions that I pack with you every day in your backpack with the lunch and homework. And there is one thing I say to myself every day when I wave to you when you are off to school, ‘Let go’.

On the other hand I am brimming with pride seeing your achievements and happy beyond words that I instilled in you the love to read. Maybe I don’t say it to you often enough, but you don’t stop amazing me! It has been a year of changes for you and you have adapted to every new situation beautifully though you have mostly heard from me about how you are not doing that small little thing properly.  You have been a great big sister, a great mommy’s helper, a great mommy’s anger management  guide ( I am still working on getting an A+ in this one, though I am very happy I have now achieved an A in it with your help!), mommy-daddy’s argument referee, a great cheer up card maker. You have been more than what I wanted in a daughter, so far my little girl. J (I had to say that didn’t I) Of course everything comes in a package, the maturity in you sometimes kicks in so much that we get a sneak peek of your teenage years!

You my little girl are out in the world now.  I know you are more than capable of handling what lies ahead of you, but take it slow. There is a lot more to this world than what appears. Like you thought those little things hanging from your bag’s zipper fell off on consecutive days, there is no need to know that there is more to it than what you thought. It is best to face the world with enthusiasm and confidence and learn from your experiences and mistakes than going out there with fear.  We have shown you the way and given you the map; you have to choose the right paths and build the right opportunities.  Make it one exciting journey that you will be proud of!  And remember you are never too old to look behind your shoulder, and when you do, I will always be there.