November 29, 2007

A bond for life

Those tiny fingers that clasped my finger tightly all these months are now too busy with activity. My baby turned one, and I am feeling a hundred things at once, happy and proud for having her grown up into a healthy happy baby, sad that she grew up so fast and the days of baby fun are over, nostalgic about all that has happened in the past year, remorseful that I let time slip by on certain occasions and didn’t really pause and watch her grow.
It has been a wonderful experience being a mom; maybe my time as a mom has been too rosy so far as I have not got to handle the entire responsibility of having a baby as yet. I cannot thank both her grandparents enough for being there for her while I sneaked away to work ever since she was 2 months old. It is amazing how much they have taught her apart from caring for her needs.
Every morning she has waved to me as I left to work and occasionally protested on days like Monday or when she is not feeling well. But as she waves to me she has a haunting look in her eyes; I have that look embedded in my head. She asks me a hundred questions with those eyes; I will answer them all as soon as she is ready to understand.
For months after I went back to work, I always had a fear in me that my baby will not know me well. And yes, I think for several months she didn’t know me as somebody special, I was just somebody who played a “guest appearance” in her life. Our special moments were the time I nursed her, as she clasped my hand and looked up at me with those big eyes and I would talk to her. In the four waking hours a day I got with her I did not know what I should do as I would want to do a lot of things at the same time. And that feeling of having to leave her and go the next day always got the better of me. So for months I just secretly envied all the moms who would go on about how their babies stuck to them.
She still loved me a lot and ran to me with the same joy every evening and I was getting crazier about her by the day. We had a lot of good times together, but there was something missing, all the while. And one magical day it all changed. Don’t know if she took the first step or I did, I am still not sure what caused the change, but things changed and I finally had a daughter who was crazy about her amma. From that moment on there started a new bond between us, a bond that will grow stronger over the years and will remain for eternity.
I still leave to work and get back in the evening, but when we are together we forget the world and just have a good time. And I love being with her and I love the feeling I have when I get back home and she gives me the world’s greatest smile. I don’t think I will ever make the mistake of thinking about what I don’t have and waste precious time! So I am looking forward to a great year where we are going to have immeasurable moments together.

October 11, 2007

Tring tring...

Me: Hello chinnamma

She: hmmmn

Me: What are you doing? Eating mamm mamm?

She: mamm mamm

Me: Have you been a good gal?

She: Silence

Me: Chinnamma?? Who is chinnamma?

She: Pats herself

Me: Say amma

She: Maamaa

Me: Did you watch the elephants march today on TV? How do they go marching? Hup two three four….you sing hup two three four*

She: Mmmm mm mm mm.

Me: Thrilled about the first phone conversation with my daughter.

* She has been watching the jungle book video and loves this song.
** The conversation by me was originally in kannada and has been translated.

October 8, 2007

Song Tag

I was tagged twice for this, both by I love lucy and Shruthi, so here goes.

During college both B and I had our computers loaded with the game Aladdin, and it would so happen that the game would be paused when we would talk, and the song 'A whole new world' would play in the background. So it became ‘our song’.

It sure has been a magic carpet ride!

September 29, 2007

Anne Frank

She touched one of the deepest corners of my heart. I first heard about Anne Frank – The diary of a young girl’, more than a decade and a half ago and have ever since wanted to read this book, but for some reason or the other could not lay my hands on it. Finally I bought the book last February and was really excited about it and the next day I find out that I was expecting my baby. I was banned from reading anything that will make me even remotely sad. So it was another long wait and finally I read it these past days and it sure is one of the books that will leave a mark on me.

First of all I felt for the suffering she had to go through, but most of all I admired the way she handled it. I am amazed how a mere teenager that she was, adapted to the life changing events in her life. If I have taken something from this book, it’s the hope in life, the ability to live the best that you can in a given situation. For those of you who have not read this book and would like to read it, I do not want to give away too much. The book is a diary of a young Jewish girl who went into hiding with her family during the Holocaust in 1942. The book talks about her entire world in the small hiding place for 25 months. She writes about her day to day experiences, her innermost feelings and her hopes and fears for the future. This book is a must read!

While we are on this subject, I must mention that we visited the Holocaust museum in DC earlier this month. All I can say is anything visual has a deeper impact. We entered the museum only about half an hour before its closing time and so could not see everything. Children say it best, as what they say is straight from their heart, nothing more or nothing less. ‘Remember the Children – Daniel’s story’ is one exhibition in this museum which I will never forget.

Again while we are on this subject, if any of you have not watched the movie Life is Beautiful’, I recommend you to do so as soon as you get a chance.

There are many descriptions of the Holocaust in print, picture and video, all of them make you realize what the victims went through. But seeing it through the victim’s eyes is a whole other experience!

September 7, 2007

Three Cheers!!!

After a break of about a year I traveled to work this morning using modes of public transport and I am thrilled about it! It’s a 2 mile drive for me from home to the park and ride bus station. The parking is a 4 level covered parking, free of cost! Well, being in a DC metro I have to exclaim about free parking. Then it’s a 20 minute ride to a metro station and a 5 minute ride on the train to work (DC has an amazing subway train service). All in all I am at work in about 35 minutes, which believe me I cannot beat by driving alone.
As the bus cruised this morning on the HOV lane, I watched at the cars backed up on the other lanes and I had this sense of immense pleasure thinking of what I was not going through. I usually, well in Bangalore terms, foot-board on the train as I have to get off after 2 stops, and man oh man I cannot tell you the kicks I get out of that! This is the way I used to travel to work when I was expecting my baby last year and I cannot forget the looks on all the people’s faces when they kindly offered me a seat but I said no thank-you and stuck to my foot-boarding. Well, you cannot say no to a pregnant woman’s wish can you?
And how can I forget the luxury of all the time that you get at hand to do what you want. And I have so many options/wishes to make use of this time. I can read a book! I can think, meditate over my thoughts and ideas (Some more crazy fiction like the last one, anyone?). I can plan things like the menu for next week’s dinner party or get the grocery list for the week done or figure out how to better design my project or how to make variations in my baby’s menu…I can go on and on. Basically it is like adding a full hour to each day of my life to do what I want!!! Wow that is huge people!
And how can I forget about all the money that I am going to save on the parking and the toll! I found more things to think about now, what to shop with this additional money maybe?
And last but not the least I am contributing to the environment in my own small way! Can there be a better win-win situation now?
B sighs every night about how his workplace is 5 minutes from home and how I have to travel for 20 long miles, do I hear somebody saying they want to trade situations now??

September 4, 2007

Leaving behind

As he gathered the last of his bags, he turned to look at the house one last time. Everything looked exactly like the way they had planned it that night when they signed the papers of the house. They had dreamt together to own a place, and they had arranged to buy it just in time for their wedding. And that is where they went for their honeymoon, to their very first home.
The place was filled with sounds of their voices, their laughter, his music, her singing, the smells of the food they cooked together and the people they entertained together. It was their sanctuary, a place where they came back to unwind after a tiring day.

She had left her impression in every part of their home; each corner was adorned with love. You could tell she was happy and proud and wanted to scream it out to everybody who entered their home. He looked around to find the framed maple leaf that was the first work of art that colored their living room. They had handpicked it on one of their romantic walks one fall. If the things in the house could talk, each one would have a story to tell, a story of their origin, of their existence and of the love that they saw grow everyday.

He had decided to move out just a week before and had had very little time to organize the move. You could tell by the way he had packed. He looked around and his gaze stopped at the kitchen. He set the bags down and walked towards it. He was standing there feeling the cold granite countertop when a sense of warmth swept through him. He closed his eyes and saw her cooking in there. She looked up with that same look in her eyes and smiled at him, that smile had made his day, every single day. He smiled now and looked at the hazy shaking images of the empty room. He walked out of the room fast, determined not to look back.

He stood at the foot of the stairs deciding whether to go up to the bedroom or not. He could feel his heart beat fast and his legs shake as he began to ascend the stairs. He could hear her voice call out to him from upstairs, his pace quickened and then he came to a stop when he heard the front door. He turned around to see his wife, ‘Hurry lets leave’, she said in a stern tone. She really seemed to be in a hurry today, she had waited enough for two years for him to accept her, for him to welcome her into his house and make it their home, for him to leave behind his past.

He had been promising to his wife that he would leave behind his past and erase all her memories. He had finally decided to do so, when moving into their new house, in fear of being left alone again, just as he had been five years ago.

August 24, 2007

Tagging along...

I was tagged by S again, and here goes...

1. Pick out a scar you have, and explain how you got it.
I have a scar on my right leg. My parents had taken out the mattress of our cot to clean the place and me being 7-8 years was playing around the place. I looked at the cot without the planks and a bright idea occured to me. I had recently watched the movie Sagara Sangamam and was fascinated about how Kamal Hasan danced on the walls of a well balancing himself so well. I was at that point learning Bharatnatyam and wanted to try a leg at this act and went ahead when I got a chance to be alone in the room. And ofcourse I fell and scraped my leg pretty badly. I remember it was a sunday and we could not find a doctor for a long time and the wound bled a lot. I get the shivers thinking about it even today!

2. What is on the walls in your room?
A mirror.

3. What does your phone look like?
I am not too crazy about phones so much so that I dont remember the model of mine..its a silver colored flip phone Sony Ericson Z500 something.

4. What music do you listen to?
Started with just bollywood and Pop, now I also like rock, some forms of country, indian classical (ahem I know some people who know me are going what??? )

5. What is your current desktop picture?
A picture of my baby with one of her naughiest possible looks. :)

6. What do you want more than anything right now?
To pause and take a break from the routine and enjoy what I have.

7. Do you believe in gay marriage?
Yes why not its a free world.

8. Are your parents still together?
Very happily together.

9. What are you listening to?
Sounds of my colleague typing and friday afternoon chit chat from the break room.

10. Do you get scared of the dark?
Yes especially after I've watched a horror movie.

11. The last person to make you cry?
My baby, when she kept hugging me last evening when I returned home late from work.

12. What kind of hair/eye type do you like on the opposite sex?
I like black eyes and any type of hair. Not too fond of bald heads.

13. Do you like pain killers?
Yep when in pain I sure do, after I saw what labor pain feels like and I took the epidural. It is a god sent gift!

14. Are you too shy to ask someone out?
Depends, my shyness is pretty unpredictable.

15. Favourite pizza topping?
onion, tomato, green bell pepper, pineapple, crushed red pepper and cheese.

16. If you could eat anything right now, what would it be?
kosumbari (cucumber salad)

August 21, 2007

A lull..

and I am back. It has been a busy time for me…so much so that I could neither post anything nor read the blogs I usually do! Lots of things going on…
Things are really busy at work and to add to this we are moving into a new place this weekend. So the usual fair that involves a move, packing, cleaning and above all the planning! But am really excited about this move as I really like the house we are moving to and also because it is a little closer to my work place. And I am hoping against hope that because of this I will get more time with my baby from here on!
I had told myself that I will not act silly and will not write about this in this post, but I cannot help it. The new place has a walk in closet and I being all of 5 ft and 1 inch think it’s the best thing that is happening to me. Now suddenly everything in my closet will be reachable! So here I am dreaming of it day and night! These days when I am not in a good mood all that B says is the magic words ‘walk-in closet’ and that’s enough to cheer me up!
And when I am not being busy at work or with the packing or dreaming about the closet, my baby is in full charge of all my attention. She is on a spree doing new things. She is standing without support for a few seconds and both we and she are thrilled about it. And she now tries to communicate with a few actions, and keeps us busy trying to decipher them. And above all she calls me Ma!!! I have been on cloud nine about it until she started calling B. Its Ma for me and for B. Does the number of repetitions indicate the excitement in seeing the person….I wonder!
Anways all in all I’ve been busy but I have been busy for good reasons…and I think I am now officially back to the world of blogging.

August 10, 2007

These days...

these are some of the things my baby does...

Gets up from her sleep with a smile. Sometimes I find her playing in her crib after she has got up.

Waves to say Hi

Salutes to say good morning

Waves to say bye

Claps her hands if we sing..clap clap clap….clap your hands.

Crawls fast to the bathroom if we say shall we give you a bath.

Loves her bath. She has her own small mug with bath buddies and pours water on herself

Answers by saying hmmmnn if I ask her do you want mammm mammm (food) or laala (milk)

Looks into my eyes and tries to read my lips when I tell her something new that she does not understand.

Looks into my eyes and then looks at something and goes hmmmnn when she wants it.

Goes bananas about bananas and shows the fruit basket and goes hmmmnn meaning I want one

Has a balloon in the shape of a monkey holding a banana and knows the difference between monkey’s banana and A’s banana

Repeats after me if I sing lalalala or kakaka or tatatata.

She thinks any rhythmic sound is music and moves her body to the tune, like the sound of the dishwasher or stirring a cup with a spoon.

Loves her bitter sweet vitamin drops and asks for it every night with her usual hmmmnn. Once she has had her dose smiles at me and then the bottle on the table knowing she’ll get it again the next day.

Plays patty –pat with my hands

Plays peek-a-boo using her blanket

Likes to observe our fingers and imitate when we sing ‘Where is thumbkin
She moves all her fingers when it comes to ‘Where are all the fingers

Say ‘Gimme a five’ and she will give you one.

Makes her grandparents take her for a ride on her bike all around the house

Asks her Thata to take her for a walk as soon as he gets dressed

Shows the pictures of Amamma and Thata and her Aunt when asked where they are

Waves when she sees a plane

Kisses saying aaabaaa

Does purrrrrrrrrrrr on my tummy

Clicks her tongues if she hears somebody do it.

Covers her ears with her hands if she hears the cooker or the blender.

Loves it if we play a game where we pretend that we cannot see her and say ‘Where is A, I cant see A, where did she go?’ She comes close to you and waits till you see her face and say ‘There you are!’

Pats herself if you ask her ‘Who is A?’

Loves to see pictures in books, and turns the pages one by one to see them.

Goes to sleep listening to a story in the night

Loves her soft toys and promptly hugs them every now and then

She shows her affection by patting, so when I get back from work and carry her she puts her head on my shoulder and pats my back.

Loves her blanket, she will drop anything and run to it if she sees it.

Loves her dad even more, she will even drop the blanket and run to him!

What is with my memory?

There were times when I used to remember my friends' birthdays well in advance and I used to make plans days ahead! And today I conveniently forget these dates and what is more, I don’t even realize when I see an email from them!
Aug 7th was my friend R’s birthday and yes I forgot, what is new about it these days! But what was really unbelievable is I got a general email from her this morning telling me that she is reading my posts, etc. and I still don’t realize! Here I am sending her a reply seeing her name and the date together and yet not a single clue!
Just growing old or too preoccupied with things? I think its both. I think its being too preoccupied with things because of the responsibilities with my age. Whatever! I still feel as bad as before even after all the reasoning! So, will make an effort not to be too preoccupied and get lost.
Before I delay it further, Belated Happy Birthday R!!! Hope your day was fun and the celebrations will continue through the weekend. May all your wishes come true this year!!!And I will make sure that I wish you on time for the many more birthdays to come!

Things I like...

My friend S tagged me to write my favorite things, so here goes...

  1. Playing with my baby
  2. Seeing her smile as soon as she wakes up
  3. Walk with B on a cloudy day
  4. Cloudy sky
  5. Friday evenings
  6. A cozy dinner
  7. A relaxed evening with a movie and popcorn
  8. My mom’s saaru
  9. Parents and I talking in their room on Sunday afternoons and early mornings
  10. Early morning walks with my dad
  11. My room at my parent’s place
  12. Sleep over with friends
  13. Good food
  14. Cooking together with B
  15. My grandmother’s gojju
  16. My mother in law’s pongal
  17. The feeling of being home at the end of a long day
  18. Well organized home
  19. Talking nonstop about the day once I return home
  20. A ready cup of coffee when I wake up
  21. Heartfelt compliments
  22. Surprises
  23. Getting wet in the rain
  24. Eating ice cream in the rain
  25. The fresh smell of rain
  26. Reading a book by the river surrounded by mountains
  27. Reading a good book without putting it down
  28. Unexpected holidays
  29. Flowering trees in spring
  30. Autumn leaves
  31. Walking on dried leaves
  32. Chasing birds
  33. Wearing a saree
  34. Fresh sheet of linen on my bed
  35. Genuine smile of strangers
  36. The sight of my car on a hot day
  37. Singing in the shower
  38. Turning in circles in an empty room
  39. A long bath
  40. Hair massage
  41. Back massage
  42. Prisms

I thought I just started writing this list and I can go on and on. I think I will refer to this on gloomy days so that one of the things in the list will set things right for me! And one more thing, this list is in no particular order :)

August 7, 2007

Through a mom's eyes

Before I became a mom (or maybe to-be mom), I would find it funny that people always spoke about their kids. It seemed like they glorified every small thing that their little one did. And so I had decided, that one day when I have one of my own, I will not talk too much about my baby and will not brag about what she does.
Well, that was then and here I am now! After 9 months of pregnancy and delivering my baby and 9 months of being a new mom, I am in total awe of my princess! I cannot stop talking about her and being constantly amazed by what she does.
In March 2006, I saw a tiny black pumping dot with a heartbeat displayed on the screen of the Sonogram monitor, and that was the moment we were introduced to our baby. For the next 8 months, she moved, she squirmed, she wriggled, she kicked, and sometimes she didn’t do anything for hours and made me rush to the ER. I finally met her physically on an evening in Nov, and (here I begin) she was more than I had imagined through all the months! I say this for two reasons; I was warned by a lot of people and in my Lamaze classes about the awkwardness that babies are born with, but she looked perfect to me; And the other, I thought she was my baby too, what is with her being a photocopy of B!
She has me totally mesmerized with her actions everyday and the next day only gets even better. It has been a joy watching her achieve her physical milestones of rolling over, swimming and crawling on the floor, sitting and standing. Cannot wait to see those tiny steps! But what I have enjoyed the most is the work of her mind! Her mind seems like a sponge which just absorbs almost everything that she sees and hears. I think I can start another blog about the work of her mind! But maybe a post will follow soon.
I have been thinking about what makes my baby’s crawling or babbling so different from that of numerous kids that I have seen? What is so special about every one of those little actions that I just cannot stop talking about? I think it’s the very fact that she is the first baby I have seen transforming from that tiny dot on the ultrasound monitor, to the soccer player inside me, to the innocent face learning to satisfy her hunger, to the infant learning to be mobile, to the baby understanding her surroundings and knowing who is who, to the person who tries to communicate with her eyes and babbles! I can only see this fascination with her grow over the years, and I can now understand how each of those parents felt all these past years.

August 6, 2007

Food Blog

Just as I promised (I guess more to myself!) in my earlier blog, I have started a food blog. I have barely started posting there so bear with me!

August 4, 2007

Crush on Cash

No I do not have a crush on money, but I think I do have one on Johnny Cash! It was not until I watched the movie ‘Walk the Line’ that I was introduced to his music. The credit goes to Joaquinn Phoenix for doing such a great job on the singing. The movie was good but what kept haunting me were those songs. I put it all behind for a while, but the ‘Burns burns burns’ of the song ‘Ring of Fire’ kept echoing in my mind time and again.
B finally could not bear to hear me hum it all wrong and got me his 16 biggest hits CD.
I cannot tell you how many times I have listened to that CD, it has been a blessing on all those days I was stuck in DC traffic. I think what I really like the most is his gruff voice, but also the way he speaks some simple words into the mike along with the music to compose a song!

It has been fun to feel like a teenager again, when I hear the words ‘Hello I'm Johnny Cash’. I cannot qualify as his fan as yet as I have not heard any other songs of his other than his biggest hits, but I’ve liked what I have heard so far. My personal favorite is ‘Walk the Line’, its amazing how these three little words can mean a whole lot!

August 2, 2007

Candy or Candid?

I was walking home from the parking lot when I met my neighbor.

Me: Hello, how are you?

Neighbor: I am doing good. Been really busy. I haven’t seen you in a long time!

Me: Yes it has been a while. etc…Oh I wanted to tell you, we are moving to another place in 3 weeks.

Neighbor: Oh really! I will miss you soooooo much….etc.

I was smiling all the while, the moment she said this I stopped. Why will she miss us?? We hardly see each other once a month and when we do, it is just some friendly exchange of words without even knowing each other’s names. It was so difficult for me to talk to her for the next couple of minutes, because I knew I could not respond to her with the same kind of talk and I really didn’t want to tell her things that I did not mean!

I have been in these situations many times and have always failed to know how to react. Honestly I find it silly that people say things like this and it is so outright obvious that they don’t mean it at all. I don’t get it! Do they think they are making the other person feel good? Well speaking for myself, I feel far from good, I feel uncomfortably irritated. I feel disconnected with the person I am talking to as soon as I hear something like this.

That being said, there have been a few situations where I have had to make comments that I have not meant, simply because I wanted to be polite. I am not as revolutionary to just speak my mind out at all times. Like when somebody gets me something which I really didn’t like, I’ve said it is nice simply because of the fact that they got something means a lot to me. But I will not go on and on about how much I liked it unless I really felt.

In another incident, X has invited Y and family for dinner and everybody in the room knows that X is not a great cook.

X: Hope you liked the food.

Y: Oh the food, it is excellent! Very tasty food! Your husband is one lucky man I must say! (Turning to his wife) How come the chutney does not taste as good when you make it, you must get this tasty recipe from her today!

Agreed that Y could not have said ‘I am barely able to eat this with a smiling face’!
He could have just said ‘Nice food, thanks for inviting us’. But he instead went all out in the process embarrassing X and her poor husband and above all irritating his wife.

Maybe it is just me who thinks this way and people are fine the way they are. Maybe this is the protocol of the world and you are required to communicate with a fa├žade at all times. If it is then I don’t care to follow it, I am fine the way I am. If I come across as rude, so be it!

July 30, 2007

Treasures of Life

One of the most cherished memories of my childhood is the times I spent with my mom when she would cook up something special for me during my summer vacation. I being the foodie I am would be excited right from the word go! I can still remember the smell of the 'Benne biscuit' (Butter biscuit) baking in the oven or the fresh homemade mango ice cream kept in the freezer to set. I would promptly check every few minutes to see if it is done. I wouldn't do much, but just watch her (primarily in anticipation of the end result) but in the process learnt so much. And more than anything I just enjoyed the process of watching all the ingredients come together to form a savorable delicacy. Its the fun of blending ingredients together and the excitement of getting to eat at the end of it that I enjoy cooking as much as I do. Its been a source of relaxation rather than a daily chore (Ofcourse I have my lazy days too!).

When I am with my daughter today, I think of those days and I get a warm feeling and I think that I would love for her to have the same feeling years later. That made me realize how important it is to treasure the recipes that have been a part of five years of my cooking life. Once somebody told me that one of the best things you can inherit are family recipes as there will be nothing else you will use more in your day to day life.

So here is to sharing some treasures of my life. Some have been passed on, some found on cyberland and some results of some experiments along with another food enthuse B.

July 29, 2007

Sixth Sense

I have always wondered if this happens to everyone. Just the other day we went to see a house for rent, and as soon as I saw this place I was immediately certain this has to be our new home. We applied for the house, and waited and what did we hear! That someone else applied for the house before us and got the place. I was restless when I heard that, thought I will give it one last try and spoke to the agent, but with no luck. So it was all put behind and we started looking for other places. But this one feeling inside me kept saying we’ll be in that house. I kept shrugging it saying how silly of me! A few days later we get a call saying they want to offer us the house as it did not work out with the other folks! Now we are all set to move into this place next month.

What was that inner feeling I felt? Was it some logical thinking of my mind or hopeful wishing of my heart? I think I’d like to believe its some sixth sense that pops up from somewhere. Doesn’t stick around all the time, but just comes out of nowhere when I least expect it. It has startled me when I was led by this feeling in some of the most important incidents of my life like when I met my husband (B) or the birth of my baby. It has scared me when this feeling told me that my uncle was breathing his last when he was far away in India. It has amused me when this feeling told me at times what the other person might be thinking. But on the whole it has just amazed me, and before anybody assumes I have some super power let me tell you something, I really don’t! If I did I would have used it every single day and made my life so much easier.

I have seriously tried to force this feeling to act a lot of times and how I wish I was successful. Like when I was gambling at a casino, if only this feeling would have led me to win a few thousand bucks. At work when we are at a design meeting, if only the feeling would tell me the best possible design even before anything, I would have looked like a genius. And during those zillion arguments with B, I could have always been the winner, especially when I have to navigate when we drive; I could have always known whether we should turn left or right.

This sixth sense continues to enchant me and I wonder at what other times in my life I will encounter it. The one I wonder most about is whether it would be around to tell me when it is the end of the road!

July 23, 2007

Lets play Peekaboo!

The moment that made me pause and take a peek at my life, was this moment when I was with my eight month old daughter baking a cake. I had just then handed her a spatula so that she would amuse herself with it while I continued with beating the eggs. When I turned to see what she was doing, I saw her moving the spatula in a circular motion just like the way I was moving my whisk. Initially I thought it was cute that she was doing what I was, and then I realized she DOES WHAT I DO! And that sent a shiver down my spine. For the first time I realized the onus of being a mom. I have to from here on watch what I say and watch what I do.

That started a whole new thought process, what is it that I really do these days? Get up, rush to work, traffic, work, deadlines, rush home, traffic, baby, chores, dinner, next day, exhaustion, sleep(dreams are a bonus on some lucky days). And then the weekends, there are two kinds of weekends. One is when you just shred all the to-do lists and take off somewhere and have so much fun that it feels like you are drunk and have no worries in life. It is a total feeling of being high but the following Monday morning you have a terrible hangover and you have to start from scratch with your to-do lists. The second kind are the weekends when you slog to finish all the chores on your to-do lists, at the end of it you get up on Monday morning feeling you absolutely had no weekend this time. Whatever happened to enjoying every moment in life? I realized I no longer measure life in moments, I think of it more in terms of hours or days or maybe even weeks. Days come and go so fast and YOU just get lost in them.

I finally realized I cannot get lost in time, I have to break free from the routine for a few moments (yes I have decided to value moments) everyday and reintroduce me to myself first and then to those big eyes that look up to me! Its time to play Peeek-aaa-booo!

P.S – My blog’s name has three vowel characters instead of one because all other spellings were already taken! And isnt this really the way we say it most of the times :)