April 11, 2014

Jharna

April A-Z Challenge - J is for Jharna - Water Spring (Origin : Sanskrit)

Theme: Short stories highlighting the lives of 26 fictional characters 





The little girl walked a long way across the sand in the scorching heat, with an empty earthen pot looking for water. As she finally approached the oasis of tourists stocked with bottles of water, her legs felt weak and images faded from her eyes, as she fell to the ground. Jharna woke up sweating from the same dream that had haunted her for three years now, as her mother came running in to comfort her and assure her that it was only a dream. Jharna went back to sleep, and her mother sighed in relief, looking at her daughter who had lost her memory of the past. Jharna had brought a purpose into their lives after years, Jharna was the oasis they had found on their desert trip.


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My first attempt on a five sentence story! What do you think of it? Would you have written something differently?

14 comments:

Michelle Stanley said...

This is a very good first attempt st writing a story. I like it, especially the last sentence. It made a fitting ending. There is a hidden story in this one too, and I'm curious to know how the girl ended up in the desert that caused her nightmares. Maybe you could write a longer version another time. Thanks for stopping by me @ http://www.writer-way.blogspot.com

gno112 said...

Yes. This is a very good first attempt. I encourage you to revisit it and see if you can make it better in a week or two.

I love the name, and "The Oasis of Tourists."

Madhu said...

Thanks Michelle! Definitely see what you mean about a longer story hidden inside.

Madhu said...

Thank you, that is encouraging words! And great advice about revisiting the story in a few days!

Hilary Melton-Butcher said...

Hi Madhu - you could certainly weave lots in here .. the magic of the desert, those stories the mother has to relate, while Jharna herself .. her finding of her origins ..

I think you've got lots of opportunities from these five sentences .. clever - cheers Hilary

Madhu said...

Thanks Hilary, those are some nice ideas!

Guilie Castillo said...

POWERFUL! Great job at a flash, Madhu. Like gno112 said, revisit it in a couple of weeks and see how you can improve it; flash fiction is a tough one to master, but you've got a fabulous concept here. Thanks for sharing!

Thanks for stopping over at Quiet Laughter yesterday :) How's the A-to-Z treating you so far?

Madhu said...

Thanks Guilie! Definitely was the hardest kind of fiction I have written so far!
Enjoyed reading your blog, will be stopping by often for sure!
A-Z has been fun so far, though it has started to get a wee bit overwhelming. :)

Jyotsna Bhatia said...

Oh Wow.. The last line was actually amazing.. :)

Arlee Bird said...

Nice bit of storytelling.

Lee
A Few Words
An A to Z Co-host blog

Madhu said...

Thanks Jyotsna!

Madhu said...

Thanks Lee! And thank you for stopping by my blog!

Balachander Srinivasan said...

Nice! On most days, "One man's meat is another man's poison". But it seldom goes unnoticed that the opposite is so true as well. We all find our oases in each other so often but treat it awfully casually too...

Madhu said...

Thanks! So true about finding oasis in each other and treating it casually!